When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
