There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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