In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
