i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
