Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
