This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
