This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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