i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
