First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
