I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
