My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
