That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
