Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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