how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
