How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
