just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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