I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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