apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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