i think my mom watched the whole time
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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