brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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