drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
