The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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