we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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