I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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