well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
