he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
