I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
