I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
