Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
