i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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