I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
