I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
