Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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