btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
