Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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