I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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