i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
