Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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