I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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