My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
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Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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