mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
