I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
