When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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