in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will be naked everywhere
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
