I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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