I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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