Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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