There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
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Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
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I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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