My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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