she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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