Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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