just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
