You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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