Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
