Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
