Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
