i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
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50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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