i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
