i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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