Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
