The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
