I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Damn victory sex feels great
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