If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
