I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
