did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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