Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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