...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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