my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
