I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
