This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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