so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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