I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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